Hope's Hemorhoids

Part 7:

Hope met with Matt for lunch and discussed the new job. She followed him after lunch to the bar and met George, the owner. He was indeed an asshole but it didn’t bother her. She liked him as ignorant and racist as he was, there was such a deep sadness in him so she looked past the obtuse behavior. Hope knew some people hid behind irrational conduct because they had not or did not want to confront why their anger subsided in themselves.

“Hope I know we agreed you would start Monday but we need you tomorrow. Are you available?”

“Yes, no problem. Nothing like getting thrown in on a Friday night. Remember I haven’t slung a drink in years so be patient with me.”

“Shit, from what I have heard you are a bad ass.”

“Oh not at all, I just don’t fuck around. I treat your bar as if it were my own. My downfall is I don’t have much patience for rude people or people who are drinking themselves to death.” Hope said.

“Not a problem, I don’t put up with any bullshit.”

“George, you and I will get along fine, trust me.”

Hope returned home and told Tia about starting tomorrow. This was faster than Hope thought, hell she hadn’t even been back in Texas for 24 hours yet. She was completely psyched to see some of her old friends, customers and to work with her friend Matt.

That Friday night was awesome. Hope was lost in a new bar but was having the time of her life. After the initial oddness of a new bar, not knowing where anything was, an old paper system she just went with her coworker, Allen’s efficiency. They jammed together and she overheard George tell a regular named Mike how awesome she was. Hope felt alive and excited about her decision to be back in Texas. It felt right.

The following morning her body ached and she was exhausted. It had been some time since she was on her feet for 14 hours nonstop. It didn’t stop her from getting up early, going out in the backyard to sit in the sun and enjoying her morning coffee. She couldn’t help missing Doodie and her Mom. Hope was concerned about Barbie. 

“Hey Tia, I think I am thinking about a dog again. What are your thoughts?”

“I want one but Rusty is hesitant. I know you do so I will keep my eyes open. Since you are here now it would work with our travels and your schedule.”

“I agree.” Hope nodded and went back to her peaceful morning. 

Hope looked at the plants and the way the sunlight was hitting them and thought; how lovely is the silence of growing things? She was at peace soaking up the vitamin D. Life was good.

The weeks were flying by and Hope was happy. She was reuniting with friends from the past and making new memories with new friends. She worked Monday, Wednesday and Friday but she always arrived at the bar an hour before it opened, made things perfect, ate her lunch and then opened. She worked on average 13 hours each shift but it didn’t bother her. Hope’s social life was getting busy and four days off was perfect for having fun.

Of course the schedule was still new to her and one morning she woke up and looked around. The sunlight was way beyond what she was used to. Holy crap, she had overslept. Hope jumped up, threw on a tshirt and some jeans and flew down the stairs like Carl Lewis. As she skidded in the bathroom and grabbed her toothbrush and aimlessly squirted the tube of gunk on it. Within two seconds she was gagging and spitting like a true lesbian would. “What in the fuck?” she bitched to the new little dog named Abby who was peering around the corner and hauled ass at the volume in her voice.

“Shit, shit, shit. I am sorry Abby. It’s not you. I just put Preparation H on my tooth brush. Don’t be scared.” Hope pleaded to her but Abby was gone to hide under a bed. The poor puppy spent her first 6 or 7 months in a cage. She didn’t even know what grass was until Hope introduced her to it. Abby was a cute terrier also called a Silky. It was too much information for Hope. She didn’t give a shit what race she was as. Tia had found the cuteness in a mall. Hope wanted to rescue a dog but once she met this timid girl she realized you can’t put a definition on rescue. She needed out of that cage just as much as the ones do at the local shelter.

Fearing her taste buds would shrink from the ointment in her mouth she left Abby to run and go hide. She grabbed mouth wash, a new toothbrush and attempted to get the goo from her mouth. It was disgusting. Once she was satisfied it was not going to kill her she found Abby and put her in the pink kennel Tia had bought to match the rest of her girly stuff. Hope told Abby “Be a good girl and don’t you worry about any painful burning, itching or discomfort in my mouth today.” Of course Abby didn’t say anything. Hope used the ointment for under her eyes. She didn't have hemorrhoids and now that shit needed a new drawer to live in.

Hope was never late so she flew out of the house, jumped in the car and was backing down the driveway and thought Hey, why are the trash cans out on a Wednesday? As she put the car in drive it hit her, Fuck it is Thursday and you are off today dumbass. She sighed and laughed a little and decided to run some errands since she was already in the car.

She was walking into the grocery store and looked at the reflection in the window. She noticed her shirt and was not sure she owned a plain red shirt. All of hers had writing on it. Hope looked down to realize her shirt was on backwards. Good Lord, I suppose the Preparation H might prove to be useful since my head is in my ass today Hope thought. She ducked into the restroom and rotated her shirt the correct way.

Hope is not a leisurly grocery shopper. It’s a strategic covert mission. As she is contemplating her fastest route through the lanes she hears “Girl, what yo shirt say? What it mean?”

“I think it has something to do with being green.” Hope replies trying to fall out in position for her mission.

The shirt reads Together we can get the planet trashed. She found the shirt while the house was being remodeled. It is soft and she liked it. She didn’t really care what it said and figured it was Abercombie & Fitch’s way of being sarcastic about recycling and such.

“WHAT you mean green? You talking bout the vegetable man? Jolly something or other?” she blurts out in a loud manner.

Hope could not believe this woman was talking to her. She looked away pretending not to hear her and seriously thought about doing sign language, acting deaf and oh great, now there are onlookers and she is not in the mood to be the center of attention.

“No ma’am, I believe it is about recycling and clean air stuff but I don’t really know.” Hope said trying to push the cart past her.

“Hmmphhh, well I never heard of such a thing and don’t make sense to me. Where you get it? Why you wear it? I just never…”

Hope put her hand to her head, looked down in the cart of the cackler and rudely interrupted her and said “the shirt is similar to those buffalo wings in your cart. The package references that they are buffalo style chicken wings. They are not made from a buffalo. Buffalo’s don’t even have wings. It doesn’t make any sense either but you buy them because you like them. Not everything has to have a reason. We as humans just do things that don’t need explanation.”

Hope left her still pondering about the buffalos flying capabilities. She escaped to the candy isle to grab some peanut M&M’s, dropped back to dairy, flew over to frozen foods, slid down the paper isle, practiced her free throw into the basket with some Charmin and hit the express lane like a paranoid crack addict looking for a fix. 

As she quietly tried to scan her items without being detected by the wing lady she overheard her talking with two other women about hair products and why they called chickens a buffalo. They sounded like hens. Hope secretly wished she had some corn or something so she could throw it on the floor under them to see if they would peck at it. With that thought, she left the store smiling and jumped on the under carriage of her cart and rode it down the parking lot to her car wondering if she would ever find someone who could grocery shop like she did. 

Written on the bag of M&M’s was Tear and Share which she shook her head no to and said “not a chance fuckers” to her empty vehicle “I am not in the sharing mood.”

Hope ran some more errands, stopped at a local car dealer and looked at a little gray car her manager at work told her about and decided on the way home maybe some Thai food would be good. She was meeting her friends Linda and Thor for dinner but that was 4 hours away. 

She walked in and looked at the menu and the Asian woman looked at her shirt. Immediately she turned to her coworker and began talking rapidly in some type of Asian dialect and Hope realized she was truly paranoid about her shirt and never wearing the damned thing again.

Hope orders her food and the lady says “You need any-ting else, what your chirt mean?

“No thank you and I have no clue.” Hope says and puts her head in her hand.
“Why you hold head? Your head hurt?’
“No, my brain need bullet.”
She just looked at Hope with no expression and said “aspirin work better” and walked to the back speaking in her language. 

Of course Hope has no clue what she is saying but surely it was about the non-sharing, suicidal lady, with ointment breath who wants to trash the planet.

Hope went home to take a nap, which was rare, but obviously much needed to grant her some more patience. She was looking forward to seeing Linda and Thor that night and fell asleep to those thoughts with Abby next to her head.

To be continued…AGAIN!